"I have full copyrights to this poem"

 

A MOTHER'S REJECTION

Being rejected by a mother

Is the worst thing that could happen to a child?

Growing up knowing that my mother did not love me,

that she resented me, the woman who

Carried me in her womb for nine months?

The woman who brought me to life.

If she did not want me, why not abort me?

Why not give me away to a loving family?

Why raise me only to make my life a misery?

No love, no hugs, no support, no kind words

Always putting me down, telling me what

A failure I am, how ugly I am

How unlovable I am.

Thank you mom, I took it all in;

Your words became my traits.

Ugly, Useless and unlovable

Every time you pushed me away, I became vulnerable

Falling into the hands of predators

They beat me, robbed me, lied to me and hurt me mom

I needed you then; but I knew you did not want me, so I stayed.

It was then that I met a friend

Her name Stella Artois, they say she is French

She made me feel comfortable, relaxed

Calm and beautiful, lovable, invincible

She began to introduce me to her friends

I met Vodka, Whiskey, Heineken, Brandy,

Sambuca, Tequila you name it

They were all good to me at first

They understood my situation, my pain and anguish

So they made the pain go away for a while

I learnt a little later

They all belonged to the same family

Sharing one last name

ALCOHOL

Then it made sense, they all had the same effect on me;

Same results.

Not lost track mom, only trying to connect

Make a link, a chain perhaps a difference

ALCOHOL made me feel relaxed and happy

For a while at least.

My abusers, they beat me, apologized and then made love to me

But you mom,

No apology, no remorse and no regret.

KD.W

 

 

“Mwana iwewe hawuiiti. Hauiiti mwana iwewe!!!… HAUITI.

Ndino pfugama mangwana mangwanwa kuti, “Mwari, makambondipireiko mwana uyu?”

 

"Handifi, kusvika ndakuona uchi nhonga zvinhu mu bin"

Funny part about this one is that is actually happening to me right now!! Talk of being precise. I just pray that she did not curse herself in the process (If you were to make sense to the statement

 

“Futi hawazi baba wako..”

"S akafa achida DNA yako"

"Wakabarwa uri benzi"

How does a child cope with her mother constantly telling them;

"uribenzi".

"Ndakabara benzi.

I am now 51 years old and just a month ago she keeps saying it. She tells everyone not to listen to me because I was born crazy. A mother... who constantly reminds her daughter that she was born crazy from the age of 4 up to now. Not only does she say it to me, she tells the whole family. It is for that reason i receded from the world. I did not want them to be scared of this NUTTER that my mum born.

"Ibenzi. Richadzoka. Ndi pengaudzoke" 

Now even my siblings call me "pengaudzoke". Meaning, I disappear for some time but always comes back.

They have totally misinterpreted the whole scenario. I go back because I care and love them and I miss them. Even though each time i go back I am pushed away but will still come back. "Pengaudzoke".

"I benzi redu, richadzoka".  And stupedly I DO go back.. But for how long now? I shall do the math and calculate how much milage is left. Because like most things, I operate from energy

Together Forever

We are apart today

But our spirits remain entwined

We are apart this day

But it is not going to be forever

One day we will be in the same kitchen

Cooking dinners and baking cakes

One day we will be holding hands

Sharing a tete-a-tete and laughter

One day we will be sharing dreams

Our secrets so grim

We will learn to appreciate each other

And embrace one another

We will reminisce the past

And make up for lost years

I will nurture you till I am frail

I will love you till I die

When I die, I will become your guardian angel

Protecting you through night and day

You and I, will be together forever

Together forever, till eternity

No death will do us part.

 by KiDe

 

"Special dedication to my two beautiful girls"

 

 

 

 

my Angel and my Star

I did not just get one

But two bundles of joy

You bring out the best in me

For as long as I know you are safe

I will always have a smile on my face

I will always have hope, love and faith

How you two make me feel

No other can make me feel that way

You are my sunshine on a rainy day

And my laughter on a gloomy day

You are everything I am

Everything I need and more

You are the air that I breathe

You two make me complete

You are a part of me, and I, a part of you

So never you forget my precious gems

Mummy loves you both very much

More than anything in this world

You are my Angel and my star.

by KiDe

 

"Special dedication to my precious girls whom I love very much"  HMP. P - 2019

A letter to Miss Donaldson

 

I am trying to speak, but the tears running down my cheeks

have overtaken my words. “Breathe in, breathe out”, I tell myself.

I give out a deep sigh. I cannot speak but my pen will.

My pen will tell the world what you have done to me

What have you done to me Miss Donaldson? Why destroy me this way?

Did I not welcome you into my Home? Did I not feed you when you were hungry?

Did I not offer you a drink when you were thirsty?

 

I offered you friendship and loyalty; And what did I get in return?

You came into my home and robbed me whilst I slept.

You took everything away from me then had me locked away.

I was minding my own business before you came knocking on my door.

I welcomed you with open hands and a warm heart.

But you, my friend, had other things on your mind. Do you realise what you have done to me?

Are you aware that you have cost me my life?

 

To you it was just a laptop; something to sell for a quick buck in order to feed your fix.

To me, it was more than a computer; It was important documentation of my status.

Music that took me down memory lane. Games that occupied my free time.

Fifty two chapters of the story of my life. Years of ideas, thoughts and emotions.

You robbed me of special moments; Pictures and videos of my precious children

I do not see my children often; only two hours a month I get.

But through my laptop I got to see them everyday. But you my friend,

took all that away from me. Took it all in an instant without second thought.

 

I confronted you because I had the right. Witnesses saw you trying to sell my laptop.

I know, because they described it. I was hurt, angry and upset.

We fought, I sustained injuries; you did not.

But it was you that rang the police. Reported assault because you knew I was on licence.

Police did not touch you, “No evidence” they stated.

Despite my injuries they said you were defending yourself

Because you told them I threw the first punch.

What about me? Do I not have a right to defend my property?

Today you walk free and sleep in your bed. Looking after and enjoying your children.

I am here today, locked up in a prison cell. All because I welcomed you into my home

 

You waited for me to fall asleep then you violated me. 

You took my life, my home and my freedom. My children have lost their mother; yet again.

All because I welcomed you into my home.

You are the one who stole from me and yet you walk free.

You left me bloodied and scarred and yet I am the one sitting in jail

It leaves me with a lot of questions

 

Where is the justice in this world? How are you managing to sleep at night?

Are you sorry Miss Donaldson? If you could take back time, would you?

Or do you just not care. I have nothing left to my name except the prison clothes I wear.

All because I welcomed you into my home

 

I was lonely and I thought you were genuine

I was trying to rebuild my life after serving a three year jail sentence

Before you came knocking on my door, I was doing well

I was moving slowly but I was moving forward

But you, my friend, put me back behind bars

PRISON, a place I wanted to forget forever.

 

Written by KD.W

10/10/2018 HMP Peterborough

 

“To the woman responsible for my arrest that led to my recall back in prison. I have been incarcerated now for forty three days and counting. She did not even bother to turn up to Court because she knew she would get caught out. Charges against me were dismissed on the 13th November 2018 at Leicester magistrate’s court and yet I am still imprisoned. I lost everything because of her, and that is why I say, “God Bless you Z.D for the pain and disruption you have caused and all that you took from me.”

 

 

'I have permission from the author to publish her poems'

 

MEMORY LANE… by Mimie

Lets walk down memory lane

Or lets just stay here

Lets stay here and forget about the memories of the past

Forget how we got here

Forget why else got here

Focus on the now the now

That now which would be nothing without the past

So we go back to the past

And remember…

Yes… remember

Reminisce… what ever word that fits

But still we go back

Go back and re-live

Just to be with them, ONE last time…….

Poems by Mimie

 

Be very afraid

You caused the deepest pain and wounded my heart

Your words of hate have scarred me

If you were an enemy, I would have endured

But it is you, a trusted friend and blood we share

You are a wolf dressed in sheep's skin

When eyes are watching, you play the victim

When night falls your coat comes off

Revealing your true colours and wicked motives

Your insides rot from your wickedness

The darkness of your heart consumes you

You can fool them all, but you cannot fool me

I know who you are, I know your ways.

The day shall come when the darkness of night

Can no longer hide you

When the light of day shall expose you

Your people will see you unmasked.

The devil that has been living amongst them

They will shun you and drive you into the wilderness

There, you will die alone with no-one to pity you.

A slow and painful death you will encounter.

The days are nearing my blood

So be afraid, your days are numbered.

Be very afraid.

 

Written by KD.W

2016

 

MY COLOUR...

My colour is quintessential

A statement to those in mourning

Dress code representing Goth

It overcomes day and becomes night

Close your eyes and that colour you see

In chess, soldiers have to defend

It is the winning ball in snooker

Comes before Jack and place your bets

Place it before Smith, you have a profession

Before Pool, it will take you to a lovely seaside resort

Before Beauty to name a famous horse

Your name in this book causes scandal

Goes before Sabbath and you have a big band

This is my favorite colour

Makes me look ten inches thinner

It blends with most colours to create a perfect picture

Creating an elegant look

And I am proud to be............ 

KiDe

 

"I am a beautiful colour. I am a unique God's creation. Made in HIS own image."  HMP P. 2018

 

 

Another Sad And Gloomy Day

 

This morning I woke up with tears in my eyes

I asked myself a series of questions

Questions with no definitive answers

I looked out the window and saw a cloudy sky

Another sad and gloomy day

 

I knelt down on my knees

Feeling the hard and cold floor of prison

I repeated the Lord’s Prayer

And recited the forgiveness prayer

Followed by my Hail Mary’s

 

I then asked a lot of questions

Questions I needed my God to hear

What is my real purpose on this here earth?

What exactly am I doing here?

Why do you keep me here?

Amongst all these wicked people?

 

I own nothing and have nobody

So I asked again

What is my purpose here on earth?

What am I doing here?

In this harsh and cruel world?

 

“Please Father”, I cried out

“Put me out of my misery;

And let me rest in peace.”

 

 

Written by KD.W

06/03/2019, HMP Peterborough

 

EVIL AT MIDNIGHT

Ding dong, ding dong goes the midnight chimes

Alarm bells for the evil to wake and go to work

Ding dong midnight chimes have become my alarm clock

Alarm to go to court

The evil are hunting for prey

Wanting to destroy, to kill and steal

Their easiest prey are those sleeping

Unaware of the dangers lurking

But I, they cannot touch

I am in the Supreme Court with the Almighty

Pleading with Him not to let them hurt me

"Dear Lord, they are here, knocking on my door

I can hear them thumping

They want to come in and take some more

I have nothing left, they have taken everything

Left me with nothing

Yet they are here Lord, wanting more

What is it they are after?

I know, they want my blood and my soul

Dear Lord, please do not let them in"

 

Written by KDW /2018

 

R A I N

"Pitter, patter, pitter, patter

Sound of rain hitting the roof

My spirit gets high, and I become alive

My heart beats to the rhythm

I stand by the window and watch it pour

Beautiful clear water coming from the heavens

I open my window, the smell is mesmerizing

The sound, music in my ears

Suddenly, my soul is thirsty

My body overcome with adrenaline

My urges are getting stronger

Before I know I am walking down the street

The feeling of rain hitting against my flesh

Sensational and entrancing

Like a Prima Dona I sing and splash

Nothing beats this feeling I endure

I jump, I skip, I absorb

I reach climax and I scream

Thank you heavens for quenching my soul

I feel new like I have been born again."

 

"for my love for rain. When it rains, I become alive. My spirit settles in a haven. It is peaceful. Serene. Calm. Relaxing. Overwhelmingly high".  KiDe  - 2019

 

END OF THE ROAD

Hello, is anybody there?

Can anyone hear me?

I just want to talk

Is anybody listening?

I have reached the end of my tether

 

Hello, can you hear me?

I see nothing beyond affliction

It has been a bumpy and rocky road

With pricking thorns and stumbling stones

I have reached the end of my tether

 

Hello, do you understand what I tell you?

As a child, I felt unwanted, outcast

An outsider in my own home

I have been physically abused

Sexually molested

And emotionally persecuted

I have reached the end of my tether

 

Hello, are you listening to me?

I thirst and crave love, but been denied

They took my children

Said I was an "unfit" mother

Killed my partner right before my eyes

They locked me up behind bars

They took my home and my car

Destroyed all my belongings and memorabilia

I have reached the end of my tether

 

Hello, are you there?

I've been accused and punished for things I didn't do

I have been ridiculed and shamed

Used and betrayed by those close to me

I have lost faith, hope and trust

Anger builds up inside me

Spreading like a disease

Frustration follows together with deep sadness

I have reached the end of my tether

 

Hello, I hope you can hear me

I am lonely and afflicted

I have nobody, I am on my own

I have nothing to my name

Except a prison sentence and a deportation order

They threaten to send me home with nothing

Not even my own children to whom I gave birth

They say, “It is in the best interest of the children."

I ask myself, but how could this be?

Did God not give me these children?

Was it not a special gift and blessing to me from Him?

I have reached the end of my tether

 

Hello, I am saying my last

I feel empty, helpless and hopeless

A future without my children is bleak

My soul is in turmoil

Hope has been replaced with darkness

Love replaced with sorrow

My body moves but my spirit is dead

My flesh is battered, my bones broken

I am weary and pulverized

What life does the future hold for me?

I see nothing beyond torment

I have reached the end of my tether.

 

 

Written by KDW

 

FEELING

My heart beats faster

And my brain works harder

I see my chest moving up and down

The heavy breathing makes a sound

My body is electrifyingly hot

And I feel the chains of sweat drop

Pupils are dilated, eyelids struggling

My heart becomes a boom-box

Playing loud on fast forward

Creating a crescendo

Heartbeat, faster, racing

Breathing, heavier, charging

A weird and frightening experience

Creating a tingling sensation down my spine

Eyes shut down, mouth agape

I am helpless and vulnerable becoming prey to the vulture

I have lost myself 

Written by KDW

 

 

 

The fear of death... by Mimie

 

Do we fear it or does it fear us 

Does it fear we will come in numbers and make it's job easier

Maybe we fear it 

Or we fear the idea of death not the concept of it

 

Well I don't know who fears who 

Or why they fear at all

All I know, is why I fear it or the idea of it

 

The idea of not being remembered

Not missed 

Not moved

No care 

 

The fear of the dark space 

And eternally nameless

Maybe just an idea not a fear.

 

Poems by Mimie

 

Battle in the Mind... by Mimie


I don't know how to put it though I want to put it 

Emptiness the feeling of being around yet alone

 

You there you not maybe it's not it 

Maybe it's just silence 

 

The need to scream but you can't 

The need to be detained

The need to be understood

 

Yet not understanding

The need to stop and look but not looking

The need to walk into a trap and still wake up

 

The need to live yet dead

That's how it is 

The battle in the mind.

 

Poems by Mimie

 

FEELING

My heart beats faster

And my brain works harder

I see my chest moving up and down

The heavy breathing makes a sound

My body is electrifyingly hot

And I feel the chains of sweat drop

Pupils are dilated, eyelids struggling

My heart becomes a boom-box

Playing loud on fast forward

Creating a crescendo

Heartbeat, faster, racing

Breathing, heavier, charging

A weird and frightening experience

Creating a tingling sensation down my spine

Eyes shut down, mouth agape

I am helpless and vulnerable becoming prey to the vulture

I have lost myself

 Written by KDW

 

 

HANGING BY THE THREAD

I am hanging by the thread

It hurts because it too thin

Cutting through my palms.

I am bleeding

But I got to hang on

I MUST hang on.

Although I do not see the point.

I am exhausted.

My mother never wanted me,

Now my own children do not want me.

My husband left me,

My soul mate died in an automobile accident

I killed him; I drove the car that smashed into a fence

Hit him in the head, crushed his skull

Took him instantly.

I caused that

Everywhere I go, I see people,

Colours, smells. Events, dreams, nightmares!

All reminders.

They imprisoned me for three years, thought that would help;

But no…, they made it worse

Now I have the crash AND the prison memories

The loss of freedom

The taking away of my two beautiful children

The loss of my house, car, belongings and memorabilia

I lost everything and my Nicholas is gone

 Written by KDW

 

H e a r t b r e a k

Heartbreak

Who the hell are you?

Where the hell do you come from?

You destroy many a lives

Take them to the slaughter

Hurting people comes easy to you

Pushing people to the edge

You are responsible for many suicides

Drug addicts and alcoholics

Prostitutes and gamblers

Why so cold? Why so many victims?

You affect them all, young and old

You are ruthless and volatile

Selfish and devilish

Every minute someone loses a life

All because of you Heartbreak

Who gave birth to you?

Friends turning on each other

Lovers murdering one another

You erupt like a volcano

Swallow folk like an avalanche

We perish and yet you don't stop

I beg you; go back to where you come from

For you are not wanted here.

 

Written by KDW

 

 

HORENDOUS PRISON EXPERIENCE

It is the end of a gym session

Enter five prison officers, all female

Two Labradors follow alongside

We are ordered to line up

 

One by one we are directed to the changing rooms

A strip search!

"A strip search, what is that?" I ask

Wait and see, I am told

 

It is my turn to go in

"Can you take off your clothes!"

One of the officers orders

I strip, leaving my underwear

"Everything please!" says the officer and she is not smiling

What my underwear? I pause in dismay

Looked her straight in the eye,

"Really?" without actually saying it

"I said everything!" she repeats

Voice with authority and of authority

 

Slowly I unfasten my bra

It drops on the floor

My pants next, one leg out then the other

I am searched, completely naked

In front of two fully dressed prison officers

Touching my naked body,

My breast, neck, ears, arms, thighs, legs, everywhere

Horrendous, repugnant, unnerving

"Turn around and bend over"

YOU BETTER BE KIDDING ME!!!

 

You do not obey orders. You are nicked

Spend some time in female isolation

"Down the block" as we called it

I came out feeling degraded

In shock and disbelief, tears flooding

"Did that just happen to me?"

 

I saw some women tears

Others cursing and screaming, shouting obscenity

After all the searching, they found nothing

The humiliation, degradation and violation

All for nothing

No apologies but more orders

"Back to the block ladies!"

'Ladies'? Is that how you treat ladies?

 

 

Written by KDW

"HMP Peterborough 2015"

 

Prison LIMERICK

I am a foreigner

From the highlander

I am in ESOL class

But i don’t know if i will pass

What is the point Mr. Hollander?

 

They say i should learn English

But i am not British

I want to go home

Where i belong

All this makes me feverish

 

The judge gave me five years

It is like climbing Mount Everest

I need to be at ease

But i cannot get peace

My brain is boiling all up my hairs

 

I finished my sentence months ago

But it is like waiting for omega

I await my ticket

But it is like a game of cricket

Please sir, hurry i want to go home

 Written by KDW

"Dedicated to all the women in the foreign national wing at HMP Peterborough"

"Stay strong"

 

HANGING BY THE THREAD

I am hanging by the thread

It hurts because it too thin

Cutting through my palms.

I am bleeding

But I got to hang on

I MUST hang on.

Although I do not see the point.

I am exhausted.

My mother never wanted me,

Now my own children do not want me.

My husband left me,

My soul mate died in an automobile accident

I killed him; I drove the car that smashed into a fence

Hit him in the head, crushed his skull

Took him instantly.

I caused that

Everywhere I go, I see people,

Colours, smells. Events, dreams, nightmares!

All reminders.

They imprisoned me for three years, thought that would help;

But no…, they made it worse

Now I have the crash AND the prison memories

The loss of freedom

The taking away of my two beautiful children

The loss of my house, car, belongings and memorabilia

I lost everything and my Nicholas is gone

 Written by KDW

 

 

Todays’s feeling

 

I feel as if my soul has divorced my body.

My body feels like an empty shell.

Each sound echoes… on and beyond.

I reach out for my soul; but it is not there…

I am just an empty shell.

Hollow.

 

Today, I sit upon to seek my soul.

I shall call out, see if it recognises thee voice.

If not, I will keep searching.

Through dark woods. Through busy streets.

Even dark alleyways.

I am determined not to stop.

 

Yes,… I understand that could be a risk.

A risk that  could further adrift me from my soul.

But TODAY…

I must search.

 

KD.W

16/03/2023

18:56 P.M

 

 

We All Bleed The Same

I watch you walk around full of hate

What happened to you Mr. Blake?

You used to carry around a flare

Prancing around in fame

Now you have different game

Looking for someone to blame

Carrying around your empty plate

Once full of steak

Since you came back from Spain

You have not been the same

You can't even walk straight

Without bumping into shame

Turn over the next page

You might get a different taste

Your life has become so fake

Left with not even one mate

Now you seek a life to claim

Someone to slain

Why have you become so vain?

Like you have no blood in your vein

Could you be going through a phase?

Or are you just lost in a maze

Stop and wipe off that stain

And stop the slaying

Because we all bleed the same.

 

 

Written by KDW

HMP Peterborough

2016

 

J a c k

I welcomed you in my home

Arms open wide

I fed you when you were hungry

Wiped your tears when you wept

I listened when you poured your heart

I cuddled you till you slept

I watched you sleep like a baby

Kissed your forehead goodnight

Both sound asleep in each other's arms

Enjoying the comfort and ease

But the next day you switched on me

You beat me and you robbed me

Cleared all the funds from my bank account

Left me with a bruised face

Aches and pains in my body and heart

I ask myself why, nothing makes sense

One minute I am V.I.P

The next i am an enemy, a punching bag

I do not get you, I never will

I believed it would change

It never will, it is what it is

It is a shame really because in me

You had a true friend

When it comes to my friends

There is no limit

You left me bruised and broke

But guess what? I am doing just fine

It is you I worry about

I have taken my pain and sorrow

To the Almighty court

Told the judge what you caused me

I fear for you, what He might do to you

But it is not up to me now

I have washed my hands and cleansed my heart

Love you? Yes, I still do

Be with you?

I cannot risk my safety and sanity

It is a shame really

In me you had a friend for life

Oh by the way, thanks for chopping my hair

The two locks you cut

Have your fingerprints all over them!

 Written by KDW

 

MEMORY LANE…

Lets walk down memory lane

Or lets just stay here

Lets stay here and forget about the memories of the past

Forget how we got here

Forget why else got here

Focus on the now the now

That now which would be nothing without the past

So we go back to the past

And remember…

Yes… remember

Reminisce… what ever word that fits

But still we go back

Go back and re-live

Just to be with them, ONE last time…….

 

Poems by Mimie

 

My Fruits

 

I hope when I see my children today

They do not see the sadness in me

I hope that my children today

Will be the ones to bring a smile on my face

The ones to bring back hope and mojo that I once had

Because life is not worth living right now

I have willpower to motivate and build

But on its own, will-power is not enough

I need support, people around me

People I can trust to lean on and fall back on

When the going gets tough

I need my children in my life

They are the air that I breathe

Without them I will not survive

I am doomed for self-destruction and death

I feel suffocated and unable to breathe

My children are so near and yet so far

The further and longer they are out of reach

The more I self-destruct; the furthest they go

It is a no-win situation and yes lose

I live in fear and anguish each day of my life

Sorrow and hollow fill my days

I watch through the window as the world goes by without me

I feel numb and non-existent

The world is living me to waste away and rot

Taking the only thing that matters to me

The only two people that bring meaning to my life

“The fruits of my womb”

From my flesh and my blood

My life and breath.

 

Written by KD.W

26th September 2018

1428hrs

‘typd 19/10/19’

 

Stranger in the street

 

Our paths met on a Saturday morning just after dawn

I was doing the walk of shame, he, the walk of fame

He was handsome and gentle, cannot stop thinking about him,

Something about him seems as though I met him before.

Our encounter lasted less an hour but has left a deep impact

Could he been the one sent to save me?

 

I had picked up a man the night before, went to his place and had sex

Left me upset and distressed so I left before he woke

Birds still chirping, the world still sleeping, I walk

The roads were unfamiliar because we walked in the night

Soon I realised, I was lost, and there was nobody about

I continued to walk, hoping I would come across someone

 

Moments later, there he was, coming towards me

Stopped him and asked for directions, too complicated to follow

 I ask him to show me I just wanted to get home,

With no hesitation, he turns back and walks with me

I begin to tell him my sad stories, pouring my heart out

It felt good to talk to him, I was open about everything

No lies, honest, even about the shameful and painful past

It felt good to talk to stranger, he listened attentively

He did not judge me, in fact, he empathised with me

“No woman should have to go through that” he says

 

We reached a building I recognise, a point we could have parted

But there is a distraction, a girl, also wandering the street

She is a mess, wanting a taxi to go to Uppingham

Me and my handsome stranger offer to help

She had become “our” problem, we both show concern

Offered her to come to my place and we call a taxi

Before the taxi arrives, she walks away and disappears

I have stranger boy at the door, so I invite him in

 

 

He kissed me, even though he knew I had been with someone

It might be a man thing, but he was different, he was a saint

Because I told him about my sexual frustrations

He wanted to make it right, a gesture that touched my heart

He was kind, warm and gentle and because he reached my heart

My kiss was full of passion, different from recent, my heart beats fast

I continue to kiss him; I experience a deep sensation in my abdomen

I take off my clothes and stand naked before him, he gazes at me

I let him pleasure me, it felt like heaven, sore but nice

I moan and groan with great pleasure as his fingers

Vigorously vibrate inside me, I watched him trying hard to please me

 

Where art thou, my handsome stranger, I miss you

Your lips tasted sweet and my lips enjoyed kissing you

You filled my heart with passion and hope

Belief that I can love once again and that I can be loved

I know it is not going to be you, you said you would find me someone

Oh, how I wish it would be you and that you stayed the same

 as the morning  we met when the rest of the world was sleeping.

 

Before you pass me on, I desire to have one night of passion with you

Give me just one night to love you and make love to you

One night to reciprocate the love and desire I now hold for you

Come, feed my appetite, and quench my thirst dear handsome stranger

My loins burn for you every night, longing for your body

I want us to make love to each other, take time to explore one another

My heart and my mind, tell me you can take me to places

Places I have never been before, take me to the garden of Eden

My handsome stranger on street, whom I met

When the rest of the world was still sleeping.

 

 

28/06/2017 10:37:43

written by KDW

 

THE SYSTEM…

 

They will politically manipulate you.

If you go  against them, they will politically and LEGALLY change the laws to justify their reasons for being inadequate.

They will change the laws (with immediate effect!!!) to justify their faults, failures, mistakes and even accidents.

(I think that they need to be reminded that sometimes unfortunate accident happen.) They do not take responsibility because they MUST come out clean from the sewer; just like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption.

But you see, Dufresne was always clean before shit got to him.

The SYSTEM got to him.

Nobody needs to know that I was in the sewer right…!!!?

So lets get moving!

You.. get me a new suit!

You !…call my barber?

You…! do this  do that… As long as I come out clean.”

But how many of us are suffering because of that system?

Because, they have to come out of the other side

Looking CLEAN… Whatever it takes.

 

KD,W

24/03/23

19:39

 

T H O U G H T S

I wake up each morning with the same thoughts

The thoughts of my children

Wherever they are, are they happy?

How do they feel within themselves?

How do they feel about me?

Do they miss me?

Or are they used to live without me

Do they think about me?

How much propaganda have they been fed?

Will we still have the same bond?

Will they still love and respect me?

Do they look forward to coming home to me?

Are we ever going to have our lives back?

Should i look forward to a reunion?

Will my children get their mother back?

Father left them as babies

Dad died in a car accident

Mother is serving a prison sentence

Will they ever recover from all this?

Will I be able to make it right?

Can I ease their pain?

I wake up each morning

Same thoughts, same questions.

 

Written by KDW

 

 

 

GRIM REAPER....by KiDe

 

PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, ANNA MAE

FOR I, THE GRIM REAPER

IS COMING TO GET YOU.

BUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU

‘IT IS OUT OF MY HANDS,’ 

I DID NOT DECIDE YOUR DAY.

I AM JUST A MESSENGER;

A MESSENGER FROM THE OTHER SIDE.

 

NOW THAT YOUR DOOMSDAY IS HERE,

THERE IS NO NEED FOR FEAR.

HOWEVER, I WISH I COULD WARN YOU

THAT TODAY I TAKE YOU AWAY FROM YOUR LOVED ONES.

NO WARNING, NO SIGN, NO NOTICE.

MY JOB IS TO MAKE YOU DISAPPEAR FROM EXISTENCE.

I AM SORRY, ONLY FOLLOWING ORDERS.

 

MY ORDERS TODAY ARE IN ORDER.

TO SNEAK BY DAY LIKE A THIEF.

IN BROAD DAY LIGHT, AMID FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

TO SEPERATE YOU FROM THE WORLD.

AND TAKE YOU TO A FAR AWAY LAND.

A LAND OF NO RETURN.

LAND OF NON EXISTENCE.

 

I WISH I COULD TELL YOU. 

MY HEART BLEEDS FOR YOU…

WAIT A MINUTE,

I DO NOT HAVE A HEART.

AND I DO NOT HAVE A SOUL.

RIPPED OUT THE DAY I TOO WAS TAKEN.

I TOO WAS A VICTIM OF GRIM REAPER.

IT IS NOT AS SCARY AS IT SOUNDS.

FOR YOU, IT WILL BE OVER IN A FLASH.

 

THE STAGE IS ALL SET.

THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU LEFT.

YOUR PLACE HERE IS IN POSITION.

I ONLY AWAIT YOUR COLLISION.

IT WILL ALL SEEM LIKE AN ACCIDENT

BUT REALLY, IT WAS MEANT TO BE

 

TODAY IS YOUR DAY, THERE IS NO ESCAPE

SO HERE I COME ANNA MAE.

I SEE YOUR BMW APPROACHING

DOWN THE LANE WHERE MEN ARE FISHING.

TIME FOR ME TO CAUSE DESTRUCTION.

SADLY, FOR YOU IT IS "LIGHTS OUT!!"

REST IN PEACE, ANNA MAE.

 Written by KDW

 

 

WALKING  DEAD

Knock knock who’s there

Its me. Me who

Me the walking dead

Yes, that’s right

I am a walking dead

Walking dead in an empty shell

I see mothers and daughters on the go

But I try to ignore

The sight of their happiness

A reminder of my emptiness

Their joys and laughter

My flaws and failure

I wish I were blind

So I could not see

I wish I were deaf

So I could not hear

My heart breaks by day

My eyes water by night

 

By KD.W

 

Love Always

I missed you on our visit, but that's okay

I was going to be for three hours anyway

It took a long time to do my hair

Only to be told you were not here

They keep messing me about

I wonder what will happen next time around

I think they are trying to break me

But they don't know anything about me

I am as hard as nails

I will not stop even if it rains

For my children I will go to the moon and back

Determination I do not lack

Do not worry; I am coming to get you

If they think they can stop me, they are a fool

We lost three hours today

But we have each other always

In our hearts and souls

Our love will last always

 

 

Written by KDW

"Special dedication to my baby girls"

                                                      HMP Peterborough, May 2016

 

Love & Lust

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling

I could not help the way I was feeling

I thought of him day in and day out

Sometimes thinking out loud

The sensation in my body was extensive

I wanted him but it was expensive

Sometimes I took us to a faraway place

Where it was just us and space

I submitted myself with no bother

Whilst he pleasured me like no other

In him I was lost

With him it was lust

He took me to the land of ecstasy

But only in my fantasy

I wanted him real bad

He was like no other I had had

One day it all became real

His warm body I could feel

Just like I had imagined in my mind

He took me from behind

We both reached cloud nine

And I knew he was mine

What began as lust

Became true love

 Written by KDW

Dedicated to "Nikolas"

RIP

 

 

 

My lover

His presence made my blood boil

His touch made my loins burn

His deep voice made my clitoris throb

My inside lubricated

I had never craved for someone the way I craved him

I wanted to feel his naked flesh against my hungry body

 

He scooped me in his arms and flung me down on the bed

Our eyes penetrated into each other

I felt his warm breath on my neck as he whispered into my ear

I experienced a strange sensation in the pit of my abdomen

To the magical sound of his voice

Kissing and caressing; ripping off clothes

Exploring each other’s bodies

 

His head buried between my breasts

Hands stroking my slender legs

With a hungry searching sensation

His mouth accommodated my erect nipples

Sucking and brushing them with his wet lips

I burned with desire and expectation

 

He kissed my stomach down to my lower abdomen

Soon his head was between my legs

With his vibrating tongue, he licked and sucked my clitoris

Until it was hard and erect

My heart beat violently; a gasp of pleasure escaped my lips

“Take me” I cried

With passion and tenderness he raised his narrow hips

I smothered a sigh as he thrust into me

 

He was warm, hard and delicious

We were both floating above cloud nine

The love making was beautiful

I watched him as he plunged in and out of me

I felt as though I might faint with pleasure

Our eyes never left each other, our gaze so deep

 

We explored each other’s mouth

His arms tightened around me

I screamed out in ecstasy and I burst

And he exploded inside me

With a roar like a lion

Satisfying my large sexual appetite for him

What started as lust, blossomed into beautiful love

 

Written by KD.W

“A special dedication”

 

 

The Air I Breathe

You are the love of my life

My Angel and my Star

The Angel that guides me through shadows

And the Star that shines through my life

Forgive me for my mistakes

Mistakes that have caused you pain and disruption

One day I shall sit down and with you

And I will explain

Maybe then you may understand

Life has not been very kind to us

I hope and pray every day that evils goes away

And have goodness back in our lives

The love and laughter we once shared.

 

You are my life and my world

You are the air that I breathe

Each day without you is a struggle

I cannot survive without you in my life

One day perhaps you might understand

I love you with all my heart and soul

All I need is you back in my life

To fill the emptiness that has filled my heart

 

Without my Angel and my Star in my life

There is no reason to live

Without you in my life, there is no air to breathe

Because you my Angel and my Star

Are the air that I breathe.

 

 

Written by KD.W

16/10/2018  HMP Peterborough

“Dedicated to my two beautiful girls, Nandi & Zindzi. Born 03/07/2002 & 16/01/2007 respectively”

 

 

The one I was afraid of  byKD.W      07/2017

I was afraid of him and yet he was unbeknown to me

I thought about him every night

How it would be and how I longed for him

I imagined him touching me and making love to me

He had a body and soul, but had no face

I wondered how I would feel, looking up his face

How his face would look like looking down on me

Would I be freaked by it? Would I be haunted by it?

It had been such a long time, since I had someone

When my love was taken away from me

A few hours after he had made sweet love to me

Almost four year today, I have been afraid.

 

The one I was afraid of, I met one night

A night of freedom and excitement

He touched my soul with his music

Mr Dj, playing on the turntables

His choice of music, as if he knew me

Alone on the dance floor, I let my body rock

I drown myself in his music; I let him take me away

To a land where there is no pain

A land that soothes my soul

I do not feel the singer, but I feel Mr Dj

Playing my songs and kneading my troubled soul

My body moving to the rhythm of his beat

 

I look at him, I like him, and I take him home

Was it great? I do not remember

I had knocked quite a few

I remember but one thing, he was gentle and sweet

The one I was afraid of, I feared no more

Thank you Mr Dj for touching my soul

Thank you Mr Dj for curing my fear

Thank you Mr Dj for being the one I was afraid of.

 

 

They took everything

One by one they came

All of them, they came

They all came to take something from me

Each one of them took something

As if I was not entitled

As if I did not deserve

 They took it all for themselves

 

They took everything and left me with nothing

Those who did not take found other ways for me

Ways to hurt me and taunt me

Taking away my dignity

They beat me, choked me and tortured me

They all violated me and left me broken

Physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually

 

Lashes with  a leather belt

A slap here and a punch there

Electric cords and broomsticks

Even chopped my hair as punishment

It was not just one person, it was all of them

They took, they battered, they ridiculed

They teased, mocked and tantalised

 

My dignity, they took

My sanity, they took

My virginity, they took

Even my very own fruits of my womb

They took; they all took for themselves

Left me bare

With nothing to my name.

Nothing!!

Because they took everything.

 

Wounded

 

I watched her

I watched her wither away

Like a flower under the hot sun

She had no more life left in her

"A walking dead", I called her

But others called her "a walking miracle"

 

Lost and broken, but she held on

I pictured her in the park on the swings

It was a smooth ride

The wind blowing against her body

A good feeling, almost healing

Only there was a hindrance

 

The ropes she held on to for support

They were on fire and her hands burnt

It hurt, but the peace and serenity,

The sensation of the wind against her body

Enough to keep on holding on

Focused only on the good feeling

 

Even though her hands were charred

Almost engulfed in flames

She looked up in the skies

And smiled, as the wind kept blowing.

 

 

 

 

Written by KDW

MY Madness  by D.W

 

My madness is the need to be loved.

The need to be cared for.

The need to be touched.

The need to be paid attention to.

The need to share intimacy.

The need for affection.

The need for happiness.

The need for peace.

The need for HARMORNY.

The need to be heard.

The need not to be judged when I speak or behave.

The need to have somebody carry me in their thoughts everyday.

My madness is… NOT satisfying my needs.

 

 

MY LIFE

It is never going to end is it?

The pain, the hurt and the torment

For as long as i can remember

They have travelled with me and the tears have followed too

Is life not supposed to be fun?

To be enjoyed with friends and family?

I have two beautiful children and yet I am alone

I have friends and family around me, and yet i am lonely

Will i ever find happiness and satisfaction?

Right now I am on a journey chasing phantoms

Travelling at a thousand miles per hour

Adrenaline is rising, emotions running wild

It is terror, if i do not stop, I will crash to destruction

But somehow I cannot stop

The road is bumpy; i see a danger zone ahead

But i cannot stop; I need saving now before i fall

I need redemption because I am falling into the pit of death

I no longer have control over my life

Let alone my children's

Others decide what to do with me

They sit round a desk and make plans for me

I do not know what the future holds, they hold it for me

What they decide, i have to comply

Failure to comply they will lock me up

Again

This my friends is what my life has become

A puppet on a string

 

Written by KDW

MY JACK

I met him few weeks after release

Handsome beyond words

Only my eyes can tell you what they saw

Even I could not believe he looked at me

He took care of me when I needed him

Protected me and kept me safe

Our friendship was developing fast, too fast

Fifteen years my junior

Most nights were spent together,

Laughing, dancing, singing or making love

Sometimes walked through the night, holding hands

Everything he did was familiar

The way he was with me

The way I was with him

Like we had known each other forever

I was soon in love with Jack

Wanted to be with him always and forever

Enjoy sleeping in his arms and waking up beside him

"Just like old times" i smiled with a deep sigh

Hold on a minute, "old times?"

That is when reality hit home

Jack was not my Jack, he was my Nikolas

I lost my Nik in a car crash some years back

And he had come back to life, for me

But I soon realised it was just a ghost

The shadow of Nikolas and not my Jack.

 

Written by KDW

 

 

I ROCK

To walk a thousand yards

Just to tell me, "You have been sacked"

Could you not wait till next session, only an hour away?

The urge to drive the knife in, too much for you?

Bet you felt real good about yourself afterwards

Felt like a real man, huh?

 

Let me tell you something, I am Royalty

My mistake does not make me a criminal

I turn heads when I walk in my heels

People drop to the scent of my "poison"

Mouth agape at the swing of my locks

Men drool at the sight of my bosoms

 

You can take your job but not my purity

Take away my right and my freedom

Can't touch my knowledge and wisdom

You may have authority over me

But you have no authority over the clock

Your hold over me is temporary

Time is ticking; soon, I’ll be outta here

 

Oh, that cut on my arm, no, not self-harm

The cut was a ritual, a ritual for my tormentors

So wipe that smirk off your face

You believe in humiliation?

I believe in retaliation

Each drop of blood, representing measure of pain

Affliction you cast upon me

Now you have my blood smeared all over you

With my blood on your hands, be warned

Do not be afraid of me, for I will not touch you

But the agony I felt, you too shall feel

By every drop of my blood.

 

You cannot break me, believe me many have tried

I was born of flesh and blood

But i am made of steel and stone

I am a rock and I rock

I have talent so I will never go low

I don't have a job but I have my writing

No income, but then again what's fifteen sterling a week

Can't buy me prime beef

Would have to work a whole month

To afford my poison Juan Paul Gaultier classique

Thanks but no thanks, not worth the humiliation

 

So listen you all

Fuck your job

Fuck your shirt and tie

Fuck your cheap after shave

Fuck your authority

And fuck you!!!!!

Peace and out.

 Written by KDW

"HMP Peterborough 2016"

 

 

ONe more time

If I could hold you in my arms, just one more time

If only you could make love to me, one more time

Only then I could be content. Oops, I told a lie

One more time is not enough

I want to hold you in my arms now and forever

I want you to make love to me all the days of my life

But sadly that cannot be

Because inside you, lies death

Inside your soul, the devil sleeps

I know because you tried to kill me once

It is all strange to think of because I never stopped loving you

Day and night you are in my thoughts

How it would be and could have been, each day it hurts

I miss you deeply, it hurts badly

For I know I can never be with you

It is sad to accept, the only person my heart adores

The only person my body yearns for

Is you my handsome Prince, but you I cannot have

Because in you, a killer dwells

Inside your soul the devil awaits

Any attempt to be with you and my life perishes

Until that demon in you faces death

Sadly I cannot have you ever

It hurts deeply, it hurts badly

That I cannot have you

Not even one more time.

 

Written by KD.W

Dedicated to JMKR “JG”

16/11/2018 : 0350hrs

                                                                          

 

S t a r

April 2006,

A seed was planted in my womb

For nine months

It developed and grew inside me

I felt it kick

And every movement

I spoke and sang to my flower

I nurtured her till she was ready

On January 16th, 2007

My beautiful girl came out of me

One became two

My very own flesh and blood

Today you have become

A shining star

Thank you for choosing me

To be your mother

I will love and cherish you forever.

 

 

Written by KD.W

06/01/2019

 

“Poem I wrote for my baby Zi on her 12th birthday, bvtears rolling down my cheeks. My baby is growing without me; my heart aches”

 

 

Reflection in the mirror

I looked at myself in the mirror today

What did I see?

I saw ugly, repulsive and melancholy

How did I feel?

More sadness, more disgust; hideous

Why do I see and feel these things?

Years of rejection, betrayal and failure

When did it all begin?

I don’t know, for as long as I can remember

Where do I go from here?

I look everywhere, I see no way out

Which way do I turn?

My vision is blurred, my mind malfunctions

Will I ever recover from the trauma?

I don’t know, should I?

Can I walk away from this rumpus?

I don’t know, would I?

Shall I take a step back and start again?

I don’t know, must I?

 

Each day I ruminate; each day I muddle

I know not many things

But I know one thing for sure

The burden upon my shoulders

Becomes heavy and onerous

The darkness surrounding me

Makes it difficult to see

But one thing I know for sure

Is what I saw and felt, when

I looked at myself in the mirror today.

Written by KD.W

02/12/2018

HMP Peterborough, UK

 

soul music

Every song has a memory, a name and place attached to it

I might not be familiar with the tune

But once the beat hits me

Once it touches my soul it takes me places

Places I have never been before

Now i see, and only now I see

Music is my weakness

Jack once told me, "Do not let your weakness overtake your life"

I have three weaknesses and they control my life

Music, alcohol and sex

They hold me prisoner and destroy potentials

I cannot find the route to escape

Seems they have stolen my powers

Messed up with my head and dumped me in the wilderness

Alone to rot and perish

They are all interlinked

I crave for one and I have to have all three

Every tune is a reminder of my past, present and future

I use alcohol to forget bad memories

Sex to feel loved

And music to sooth my soul

 

 

Written by KDW